He kissed a someone with a penis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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