i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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