well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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