hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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