I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
