My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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