why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
