i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He better not be in your backpack
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
