I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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