I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
