The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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