is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize