my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
