We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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