I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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