We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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