Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
