Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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