I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
