you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
