dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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