Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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