I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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