Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
