I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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