the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
