Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
