Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
