i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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