can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
