I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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