why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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