JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
