My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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