she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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