He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
