It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize