I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
