Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
