I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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