Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
