THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
