Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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