seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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