The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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