My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
