I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
