Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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