I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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