thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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