Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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