dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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