now i know why i became what i already was.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
