Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize