dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
