my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
