my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
