Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
