If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
