I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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