Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
