I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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