Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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