sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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