i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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