I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
