did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
