Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
