Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
