if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
