threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
