Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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