I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
