The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
