Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
