Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
