This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
