So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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