Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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