haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
