Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
