guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
