You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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