Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
