I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
