How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
