Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
