omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
