I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
