I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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