I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize