Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize